The Proposal

Let me interrupt the flow of our discussion to mention a movie that was apparently popular and yet is an utter fail. It is amazing to me that this film was directed by, co-produced by, and acted in by womans.

Warning for anybody reading-- there are SPOILERS ahead because I don't car, because this movie was spoiled when it was made.

At the beginning we are introduced to Sandra Bullock's character who is an unrepentent and loathed bitch at a publishing company. She is awfully awful, and she is most awful to her assistant Ryan Reynolds, who hates her. It's important to note that this section of film is convincing, and that their mutual disregard contains no hint of romantic tension or anything like it.It is possible that the movie wants to make a complete and utter surprise out of what everybody knows is coming, that is in fact the reason that everybody bought tickets, BUT this belongs to a special family of movie "surprises" that are surprising because they make no sense. Yes, it would have been surprising if Peter Jackson had had the One Ring turn into a gold-plated fax machine, but that's not a good thing.

But I get ahead of myself.

She's going to be deported to Canada, so she blackmails Reynolds into marrying her, and they have to leave immediately for a weekend with his family in Alaska. He also forces her to propose on her knees in the street, because now that we know she's a hig-powered successful bitch, the humiliations can safely begin.

They travel to Alaska. Turns out his family is loaded and he's shlepping in NHYC because of daddy issues. And his grandmother is Betty White. Let the hilarity ensue.

Now after three years of mutual distaste, they must fake, for his family, engagement. A party awaits them so that all the home town folks can meet her, and thy are forced to kiss. It's awkward but the music cue tells us that BANG they are now somehow interested in each other.

More hilarious interaction ensues. No, I'm lying. But the movie does contrive to throw them together naked on top of each other on the floor, and BANG, they are more interested in each other.

Then, as they are lying in different parts of the room they share that night, Bullock just starts sharing personal stuff. Is there a reason? Has her character turned into someone else? Do Reynolds ripped abs have some magic power? (That last one seems most plausible)

More wackiness. Bullock performs a drum ceremony with White in the woods which devolves into her dancing and singing-ish a rap about sweat running down her balls. The family decides the wedding will be held there. The women (including the obligatory sweet former girlfriend) take Bullock to see a bad stripper.

Bullocks character disintegrates. She's worked her way up to the top in publishing, but a pay-computer at an internet cafe flusters her. She has shmoozed at the highest levels of business, but she is socially awkward. And she regularly abuses her employees without a second thought, but she is now wracked with guilt for lying to these adorable total strangers.

She runs off to think about it in a boat with Reynolds and then, wackily, falls out. He rescues her (she can't swim, though she is a heck of good non-swimmer, or at least a bad drowner) and we can see that, wrapped up in a towel and his big strong man-arms, she finally feels okay.

She confesses in the middle of the wedding ceremony and runs off. Reynolds (boggle) wants to follow her. At the height of an argument with his father, Betty White has a heart attack. We curse the movie for using the oldest, cheapest trick in the book, but then in the ambu-plane, White reveals she was faking to force a reconciliation. At first I was going to givethe movie back a half-point for that, but no-- it doesn't even have the balls to hurt an old lady to get dowwn its obvious and contrived path.

Reynolds misses her plane, but cut to a few days later. She is dejectedly cleaning out her office, when in he comes. He makes a manly proposal and she melts. The office-full of people who loathed and feared her a week ago melt and oo and ahh like they're looking at a truckload of puppies, except for some guy who, as we fade to black, yells, "Show her who's boss."

So yes-- the moral of this rom-com is, once again, women who are in power are inhuman monsters who can only be redeemed by some man with big arms who puts them back in their place and lets them be the frail, weepy creatures they are meant to be.

Or the moral may be, when faced with a totally predictable plot, try to spice it up with characters that make no sense.

The movie has some occasional moments. There's a scene where, asked to tell the story of the proposal, the two improvise and struggle to steer the made-up story to make Reynolds either more or less manly. There are what appear to be improvised interviews over the credits which are fun. That's a good three minutes of decent movie all told.

It could have been worse. Nobody suggests that she really needs to get laid, and the two characters do not have sex. He doesn't chase her through an airport terminal. There's no goopy ballad in the soundtrack.

But my Lord in Heaven, this movie is an offense against womankind in particular and humanity and story-telling general.

Keeping Streisand at Bay

We are watching (and sitll haven't finished) the Judy Garland version of A Star is Born. Because Nick didn't know who Liza Minelli was. And he had never seen Judy in anything but Wizard of Oz. So that's that. I have never seen a Barbra Streisand movie, because I find her so obnoxious.

On a totally unrelated note, you should go see the new Jennifer Aniston movie, because it is based on a Eugenides short story. It's really a story about boys, I think, so maybe it won't be so relevant here, but we all know how much I love Jeff, so I will go. Actually, since I will be home so soon, we could probably go together.

I think that's all I have to add. You caught on to the essential problem/paradox/weirdness of Ms. Piggy being a badass, but also being played by a guy. Drag characters in general may come up here a lot actually.

I don't know that I'm ready to deal with Streisand yet. Though "What's Up, Doc" is now out on disc. That might be the last thing she did that I unequivocally liked.

Cabaret is a heck of a movie. I agree that Minelli takes things up a notch by her two-layered performance, turning Sally from a character who is the standard Auntie Mame theater bigger-than-life goddess into a woman who doesn't seem to know herself and prefers to view her own illusions. It's super-effective for the film because it makes a perfect bridge to a country that refuses to see itself as it really is, all building up to the finale of the song "Cabaret" that is not the celebration of life that it pretends to be, but a creepy and ineffective denial of the darker things that, unanswered, will soon overwhelm the club and places like it. I saw the movie in college and I still remember that final shot of the nazis' twisted reflection.

It was also a brave film in its time, with its subtle suggestion that throwing flowers and peace signs around and telling yourself you're really hip and together when you aren't.

I'm not sure how it fits our purposes here, but it is a good film. I should probably watch it again. (I am also tickled that it covers exactly the same period as Sound of Music. I want Maria and Sally to meet.)

Another suggestion to add to the list is Farscape, probably one of the most female-heavy SF series ever. And since it is essentially a four-and-a-half year love story between its two leads, it hs some stuff to say about that, too.

I agree that Miss Piggy makes a good choice. But what do we do with the fact that she's played by a man.

Bwahahaa

I am just basking (sp?) in my Mulan victory right now.

Nick and I have started watching all those movies that people are supposed to see but we haven't. So far I am not sure what it would add to our purposes, except that Liza Minelli is pretty freaking amazing in Cabaret. I wasn't crazy about the movie, but I loved her.

Of course, the movie version of Sally Boyles kind of paints her as a lot weaker than she paints herself to be, but that vulnerability makes her decision to get an abortion look like pure true strength vs selfishness or cruelty. Somehow it makes sense to me that the decisions that take the most strength would make a woman look the worst. Like all other female badasses in Disney are the villians. But what Sally does, essentially, is free the man she loves. Is to give up her one chance at normalcy for him AND for herself.

I really loved how the film nuanced the character from the show and I thought Liza was brilliant. In dialogue, Sally is a character who always tells you who she is and Minelli's performance constantly rejects what her own character was saying. Its an effective illustration of sort of easy strength (strong performances, using sex appeal, etc) and strength of character (facing your own numerous flaws, insecurities, etc.).Loved it.

Right now we are mid-way through A Star is Born. We also watched Muppets Take Manhattan- Miss Piggy might be a fun thing to talk about here.

MULAN

Okay, I'm watching it. But because I'm a lazy man, I'm goin to try real time blogging and simply comment as I go....

I'd forgotten how old this was-- 1998. Pre-Hercules!

Hey, it's June Foray!!

"You'll Bring Honor To Us All" Okay, statement of traditional values without making too much of a straw man out of them.

Marni Nixon is singing for Grandma!! Marni Nixon is a movie musical Goddess!

Matchmaker is fat and obnoxious. Mulan's requisite outcast status is now established.

"If I were truly to be myself, I would break my family's heart" Hey-- I know this song! So her problem is that she can't reveal her true identity.

Dieing for honor-- a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, and everyone should know their place. And so she transforms, set to uber-heroic soundtrack.

Chinese religious traditions are HIlarious!

The Huns don't even look human.

Men in the army are gross, disgusting, and stupid. Also brutish and ridiculously violent. She tries to spit, gets manly urges to kill something and cook outdoors. If we had a character trying to pass as a woman and talking about being helpless and overemotional and having big urge to shop, would that be sexist?

Captain is derided for being a "pretty boy"

"I'll make a man out of you" Free from standard guy stereotypes. Part of message is suck it up and don't quit.

Hygiene is a stupid girly habit.

Marching off to battle. "A Girl Worth Fighting For" "How bout a girl who has a brain and speaks her mind? Nahh..."

First battle scene is straightforward and traditional, all manly and warriorlike.

Some sort of extra points for having the extra-macho soldier played by Harvey Fierstein.

She wanted to do things right so that when she looked in the mirror she'd see someone worthwhile. Main character statement without gender attached

"You said you'd trust Ping. Why is Mulan any different?" Echoes a scene in Tootsie.

I wish noone had ever developed software to render large crowds. It always looks out of place.

Be A Man reprise when dressed as geishas. Cute.

Boy, it's a good thing that there's no group of Huns to see this movie. They're like ev ery bad cliche ethnic depiction of Asians from the first half of the 20th century.

The captain physically fights the Hun chief. All Mulan can do is avoid getting hit for most of the fight.

Hugs all around. Very Disney.

Now must earn approval of father. More hugging.Followed by inappropriate modern funky finale number.


Okay, I admit it. I was way over-abusing this film. I take it all back. It has problems, but they aren't sexism. I'll even let you call the over-the-top moments with the men as clever post-modern satire on gender stereotypes and not merely a set-up to make her look good.

In other words, I hereby publicly acknowledge that you were right and I was wrong.

Salt

Went to see Salt this week, the spy-action thriller with Angelina Jolie playing the part originally intended for Tom Cruise.

It's a hard film to evaluate in part because it starts and ends with giant plot holes-- everything in between, but it takes what to me is a giant improbability to get things started and a massive oversight to avoid the more obvious ending.

Let me know if you see it, or if you plan not to bother, because I can't really discuss it without spoilers, but I think it includes a couple of aspects that fit our discussion here. I don't think Evelyn Salt is exactly the woman we've been searching for, but I think the film gives us a couple more clues.