The Proposal

Let me interrupt the flow of our discussion to mention a movie that was apparently popular and yet is an utter fail. It is amazing to me that this film was directed by, co-produced by, and acted in by womans.

Warning for anybody reading-- there are SPOILERS ahead because I don't car, because this movie was spoiled when it was made.

At the beginning we are introduced to Sandra Bullock's character who is an unrepentent and loathed bitch at a publishing company. She is awfully awful, and she is most awful to her assistant Ryan Reynolds, who hates her. It's important to note that this section of film is convincing, and that their mutual disregard contains no hint of romantic tension or anything like it.It is possible that the movie wants to make a complete and utter surprise out of what everybody knows is coming, that is in fact the reason that everybody bought tickets, BUT this belongs to a special family of movie "surprises" that are surprising because they make no sense. Yes, it would have been surprising if Peter Jackson had had the One Ring turn into a gold-plated fax machine, but that's not a good thing.

But I get ahead of myself.

She's going to be deported to Canada, so she blackmails Reynolds into marrying her, and they have to leave immediately for a weekend with his family in Alaska. He also forces her to propose on her knees in the street, because now that we know she's a hig-powered successful bitch, the humiliations can safely begin.

They travel to Alaska. Turns out his family is loaded and he's shlepping in NHYC because of daddy issues. And his grandmother is Betty White. Let the hilarity ensue.

Now after three years of mutual distaste, they must fake, for his family, engagement. A party awaits them so that all the home town folks can meet her, and thy are forced to kiss. It's awkward but the music cue tells us that BANG they are now somehow interested in each other.

More hilarious interaction ensues. No, I'm lying. But the movie does contrive to throw them together naked on top of each other on the floor, and BANG, they are more interested in each other.

Then, as they are lying in different parts of the room they share that night, Bullock just starts sharing personal stuff. Is there a reason? Has her character turned into someone else? Do Reynolds ripped abs have some magic power? (That last one seems most plausible)

More wackiness. Bullock performs a drum ceremony with White in the woods which devolves into her dancing and singing-ish a rap about sweat running down her balls. The family decides the wedding will be held there. The women (including the obligatory sweet former girlfriend) take Bullock to see a bad stripper.

Bullocks character disintegrates. She's worked her way up to the top in publishing, but a pay-computer at an internet cafe flusters her. She has shmoozed at the highest levels of business, but she is socially awkward. And she regularly abuses her employees without a second thought, but she is now wracked with guilt for lying to these adorable total strangers.

She runs off to think about it in a boat with Reynolds and then, wackily, falls out. He rescues her (she can't swim, though she is a heck of good non-swimmer, or at least a bad drowner) and we can see that, wrapped up in a towel and his big strong man-arms, she finally feels okay.

She confesses in the middle of the wedding ceremony and runs off. Reynolds (boggle) wants to follow her. At the height of an argument with his father, Betty White has a heart attack. We curse the movie for using the oldest, cheapest trick in the book, but then in the ambu-plane, White reveals she was faking to force a reconciliation. At first I was going to givethe movie back a half-point for that, but no-- it doesn't even have the balls to hurt an old lady to get dowwn its obvious and contrived path.

Reynolds misses her plane, but cut to a few days later. She is dejectedly cleaning out her office, when in he comes. He makes a manly proposal and she melts. The office-full of people who loathed and feared her a week ago melt and oo and ahh like they're looking at a truckload of puppies, except for some guy who, as we fade to black, yells, "Show her who's boss."

So yes-- the moral of this rom-com is, once again, women who are in power are inhuman monsters who can only be redeemed by some man with big arms who puts them back in their place and lets them be the frail, weepy creatures they are meant to be.

Or the moral may be, when faced with a totally predictable plot, try to spice it up with characters that make no sense.

The movie has some occasional moments. There's a scene where, asked to tell the story of the proposal, the two improvise and struggle to steer the made-up story to make Reynolds either more or less manly. There are what appear to be improvised interviews over the credits which are fun. That's a good three minutes of decent movie all told.

It could have been worse. Nobody suggests that she really needs to get laid, and the two characters do not have sex. He doesn't chase her through an airport terminal. There's no goopy ballad in the soundtrack.

But my Lord in Heaven, this movie is an offense against womankind in particular and humanity and story-telling general.